HARRY RED RIDING HOOD
by Izuka
Summary: Read on as Voldemort and Harry live the classic tale of Little Miss Red Riding Hood.


In the deep forest of an unknown place, there was a tiny cottage.

In that cottage lived Ma Bellatrix and her little son, everybody's favourite, Harry Riding Hood. When Harry was littler than he is now, his Pa Aragog had died accidently eating himself in his sleep. Unfortunately, he could not wake up till his heart was in his mouth. But by that time, he was already dead. Ma Bellatrix loved her son dearly and Little Harry loved his Ma.

One day, Ma Bellatrix called Harry and said,

"It's time to visit your beloved grandma. Here, take this basket of my special Crucio cake and give them to her. And remember, don't get off the path and watch out for the Big Bad Wolf!"

Harry nodded and as his Ma started belly dancing to make herself lose weight, so as to eat breakfast without feeling guilty, went out of the house, wearing a red cape.

As he skipped and bounced along on his way, a wolf, yes, the Big Bad Wolf, watched him hungrily.

"I have decided!" he cackled in an attempt to sound ominous, but sounding as if he was trying to lay an egg. "I, Voldemort, which rhymes with Moldyshorts, shall feast upon the tender flesh of this child. Mwahaha." He took a deep breath and called out,

"Yoo hooooooooo!"

Harry stopped startled. It was not everyday someone said 'yoo hoo' to him. Then he saw- an ugly nose-less wolf, sitting away from the path, smiling, or rather, _leering_, at him.

"Yes, Mr. Wolf?" he asked politely.

The wolf, Voldemort, fluttered his eye lashes in an attempt to look friendly and said,

"Come, little boy, come off the path and play with me!"

Harry understood then that this was the very wolf his Ma had warned him about.

"No! You evil thingy!" he said impatiently. "I am visiting my grandma. Now shoo!"

Outraged, Voldemort 'shooed'.

"Grandma, eh?" he suddenly thought and sniggered.

He ran till he came to a house with a sign in front of it with 'Harry Riding Hood's Grandma's residence here' written on it with a mat before the door with 'stay away, cretinous wolf' sewed on it.

Voldemort scratched himself to dislodge a flea on a mission and entered the house sneakily through the door, causing a vase to fall and shatter due to his clumsiness.

A few minutes later, a short pudgy old woman, Grandma Severus in her bathing robes (she had been trying to decide which greasy shampoo to try out next. Of course, it's rather difficult to do that, when a wolf suddenly barges in, turns red, barges out, barges in and attack you with a towel) came flying out, followed by a suitcase.

Grandma Severus got up, dusted her bum and took up her suitcase. Shaking her fist, much affronted, at the house, she turned up her nose haughtily and went off, swinging her hips as much as she could with her arthritis.

Voldemort quickly put on a hot pink night gown with a bonnet and put on some red lipstick before sliding under the bed sheets.

Meanwhile, Harry had reached his Grandma's house. Without stopping his skipping, he knocked and at a 'cum iiiiiiiiiiiiinnnn!', went inside.

"Grandma! I brought Ma's Crucio cakes for you!" he said brightly.

Voldemort giggled looking like a constipated pig.

"You _shouldn't _have!"

Harry gave a grin and still jumping said suddenly,

"My! What great red eyes you have, Grandma!"

Voldemort looked at him stumped.

"Hold on." He muttered, leafing through a notebook while Harry tried not to roll his eyes.

"Oh, here it is! 'All the better to see you with, my dear!'"

Harry nodded and continued,

"And what tiny nose slits you have, Grandma!"

Voldemort blinked before taking out the notebook again.

"Er- all the better to-er-smell you with, sweety!"

"Oh, and what dirty yellow decaying teeth you have, Grandma!" exclaimed Harry.

"I know this! All the better to EAT you with, cutie pie! Mwahahaha!" Voldemort lunged at the boy, got tangled up in the bed sheets and fell on the floor with a loud 'thump!'.

Harry screamed and _still _skipping, brought the basket down on the wolf's head, again and again.

"Wait!" shrieked Voldemort in pain. "You- ouch- are not supposed to –OW!- _do_ that! _OWW!_"

"Bad kitty! BAD KITTY!"

Harry continued screaming and hitting him with the basket, the chair and finally the bed.

Voldemort fainted.

Harry let go of the heavy bed and burst into tears.

Crying 'Ma! Ma!' he ran the way back home. Soon Grandma Severus came back and had wolf for dinner. Thus everyone lived happily ever after.

THE END

**Silence…**

**Me: (sighing) **_**all**_** you had to do was to stick to the script.**

**Voldemort: How dare you make me, ME!, a wolf?**

**Me: Whom Snape had for dinner.**

**Voldemort: SEVERUS!**

**Harry: I love myself! Go me!**

**Severus: (speechless with horror)**

**Bellatrix: (in a coma due to psychological trauma)**

**Me: (face palm)**


End file.
